Sweet Soliloquies

Wishtress Jamie asks today:

What door do you wish to open?

My son and I are at a turning point in our relationship. Actually, it needs to turn but he is resisting. Maybe I am, too. It’s a scary, but necessary, thing when our kids grow up and move on. It can be even scarier when they don’t.

It is time for my son to look more to himself for validation and happiness. I can not be everything and do everything for him. If you’re familiar with Aspergers Syndrome or Autism, you might know some of the struggles associated with it…social issues, rigid thinking, perseveration, large or small motor development delays, obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression and anxiety to name a few. They also can be highly intelligent, imaginative, funny, warm, sensitive and loving. Living with someone with AS is a mixed blessing; one I’d never return.

There can be years of struggle with a particular issue and then one day, the skies (or a door) will open and they will understand what you’ve been trying to teach or help them with and you feel rewarded and very, very thankful. I am my son’s “safe” person, the person he goes to with problems, frustrations, discoveries, questions, joys and accomplishments. He unleashes it all on me, good and bad. I am happy to be that person for him, and feel blessed that God would place me in this position because I know He knows what is right for us both. However, it is possible for this type of relationship to become unhealthy for both people involved and I think that is where we are at now. My son needs to find happiness and peace within himself and learn how to work through difficult emotions; I need to learn how to let go a little, stay true to my word, and find a way to usher him into a healthy adult life without losing myself completely in the process.

My wish is to open the door to a new kind of relationship with my son. I wish for understanding, confidence, healthy thoughts and maturity for my son, and the ability to see me in a new light. I wish for my husband and myself the wisdom, fortitude, conviction, love and understanding WE always need to be the ushers HE needs.

Lord, Specialists: Any new avenues or ideas that might prove useful would be greatly appreciated!

Thank you God, and Jamie, for giving me this moment to express my most fervent wish.

You may read other Wednesday wishes here.